


Somewhere To Begin

by TheBlindBandit



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gem War, HEALING LACRIMAL ESSENCE, Napping, Pearlrose Week 2015, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Series, homeworld remains the worst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlindBandit/pseuds/TheBlindBandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes there are tears even though there isn’t anyone around that needs healing. Or: Rose is tired and decides to give one of the strange human habits a try. Pearl, ever loyal, is there to assist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere To Begin

 

 

It is an unpleasant truth that becomes evident to Rose very early on, then sticks to the roof of her mouth like something thick and cloying and bitter and supposedly edible the humans thought to share with her: war is difficult when your most important power - the advantage upon which hinges the survival of your entire rebellion and all your comrades - necessitates that your heart remain utterly unhardened, and demands that you allow yourself to feel every single hurt of every single overeager makeshift soldier under your banner.

But in the face of the depths of loyalty and devotion she’s witness to every day, it also feels like the very least she can do.

The grass she calls up to lie on is bright green and young and as soft as she can manage - she is allowed personal indulgences in private, at least. It feels heavenly against her bare feet, blissfully free of shards of friend and foe alike. It feels even better against her neck and back, as she settles down and her hair fans out around her in a giant pink halo. Most importantly, it feels nothing like the barren, claustrophobic canyon that was the site of her most recent costly triumph, and it doesn’t remind her at all of the burning sting that surrounds her eyes after a full day of desperate attempts to save as many as she can.

She often wonders how many more victories she has in her.

“There you are!”

It’s Pearl, of course, wide-eyed and sounding out of breath she doesn’t even need, jolting Rose out of the rather broody reverie she was just on the cusp of. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Garnet said to come here, I thought-”

“I’m sorry,” Rose offers, somewhat meekly. “I didn’t mean to worry either of you. I just wanted… to get away a bit.”

Pearl seems hurt, for a moment, then her frown turns more towards sympathetic. “I understand. Losing Chrysoprase was- really, there was nothing you could have done, she was too badly-”

“I’d rather not talk about Chrysoprase right now, if you don’t mind,” Rose interrupts. She hates herself just a bit more, then, for cutting Pearl off when she’s promised to never, ever let her voice be stifled - but it’s a minor sting compared to the sudden searing memory of green dust staining her fingers and _clinging_ to her in an exact imitation of her own growing guilt.

Rose tries thinking of something else, instead - of something very promising that she’s seen the humans do plenty of times. “I’d like, I think-”

“Yes?” Pearl has come closer and is almost bending down, staring at her, bright-eyed and so very eager to please, just awaiting the word. Rose knows her smile is tinged with sadness - some things never seem to change.

“I’d like to have a nap.”

Pearl stares, again, but the air of it is quite different now. She straightens her back and raises herself up, incredulity taking the place of ardour. “A… nap?” The word rolls around her mouth and comes out sounding as alien as they both are to this planet.

“Yes, a brief sleep. I’d like to close my eyes and… drift off. Rest a bit. Like the humans do - they look so peaceful, and so very refreshed afterwards. I’d… I’d like that.”

“Rose, do you really think this is wise? This state of… _sleep_ requires a sort of… unconsciousness, as I understand it? Putting yourself out of commission and leaving yourself vulnerable like that in the middle of a war simply does _not_ seem like a sound tactical decision.”

“My Pearl, always the worrier. It’s going to be fine.”

“But, Rose-”

“It’s going to be _fine_.” She raises her voice only slightly, but it carries, and a ring of rosebushes forms at her implied command in the blink of an eye. The flowers on them bloom several shades of delicate pale pink and white, but the thorns they are sporting make their real purpose well known.

Pearl doesn’t startle as much as immediately jump up to inspect the newly sprouted brambles and make sure there is no exploitable gap, no convenient passageway for an unlikely ambush. At long last, after a dozen passes, the bushes seem to have passed muster, and Pearl is down to the last dregs of hand-wringing. “Did- did you check with Garnet?”

“I did, don’t worry. We have a free evening, at least. I _am_ a decorated general, you know.”

Rose’s smile is wry, and a bright blush immediately rushes to Pearl’s face. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to imply-”

“Hush, it’s fine. I was just joking.” Pearl means well, Rose knows, and her concern is touching - but she is more tired than she’s ever felt, and she just wants things to stop, if only for a bit. “I do have a request for you, however.”

“Anything,” Pearl answers, eyes burning and determination writ all over.

“I want you to stay with me.”

She’s answered with a firm nod. “Of course. I’ll stand watch over you while you rest. Nothing will come past me.” She means it, Rose knows, with as much fervour as it is possible for one Gem to mean anything.

Pearl looks ready to draw a fresh spear and snap out a sharp salute as soon as the word is given, and Rose turns her sigh into a chuckle. “Oh, I don’t need a sentry. I need a sleeping companion.”

“What?” Pearl’s expression is comical, almost, but most of all it is endearing, and Rose can’t keep the smile off her face. “No, Rose, no, I’m _not_ participating in any strange human self-incapacitation rituals! Absolutely not.”

Hearing Pearl say no brings with it a private little thrill, even after all these centuries. Rose remembers with no small amount of pride the first time she did so - remembers when Pearl made those first tentative steps towards internalising a right to _not want_ things, and then proceeded to spend an entire week just giddily refusing everything.

“You don’t have to sleep yourself, or do anything at all, Pearl. Just… just come here and let me hold you.”

No more arguments seem to be forthcoming, and Pearl settles back down on the grass, then rolls closer to Rose upon meeting her expectant gaze.

Rose waits, patiently, as Pearl slowly keeps inching forward until she is finally close enough to be scooped up in an embrace. “You can keep watch from here, can’t you?”

“I, uh-” Pearl begins, somewhat shakily, pausing to blow a stray pink curl away from where it has fallen over her face, “I can attempt to- I don’t think it’s exactly _optimal_ , but-”

“Good.”

She nuzzles into Pearl’s hair, inhales deeply as the soft tufts tickle her face, and with great relief feels how solid and real she is, despite everything. There is no pressing battle, no hasty, muddy retreat, no Pearl throwing herself in front of her and falling to some huge quartz’s axe. Falling, always, always falling, and Rose shudders to think that perhaps one day she might not be quick enough to snatch the white gem from in between the wisps of smoke before it’s trampled into the ground and crushed, and the shining dusty residue on Rose’s hands is silvery instead of green-

“Rose?” A small voice pipes up near her ear; familiar, though slightly strained. “Rose, you’re, ah-”

She’s crying, she realises. She’s also squeezing the life out of Pearl, her mind registers a bit belatedly, and allows her grip to loosen. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no. Don’t cry, Rose,” Pearl pipes up in a small, lost voice, hands fluttering all over in an attempt to offer as much comfort as possible. They finally come to rest on Rose’s cheeks; long, pale fingers gently brushing precious tears away.

“It’s just… what would I do without you, Pearl?”

A few moments pass, quiet save for a few stray sniffles on Rose’s part. Pearl grows tense in her arms, then shifts to hover above her and gaze at her in wide-eyed wonder and disbelief. “Rose, I assure you, there’s no need to worry. I’m… quite easily replaceable, I-”

“No!” Pearl cringes, and Rose softens her voice, but makes the urgency in it no less sharp. “No, I won’t have any of that, not anymore. Such thoughts have no place on Earth, or anywhere else. You are valued, and valuable. You are unique and precious and above all you are _loved_ , and I never, ever want you to think otherwise.”

There are tears - of conviction, or of exhaustion, or of some other part of the intense storm of feelings brewing in her - streaming down her face now, even though there is nobody around to heal. Pearl frowns, hesitates, and opens her mouth as if to say something, but then seems to reconsider and merely looks at her somewhat bashfully. Then, in a remarkably forward display, she leans down and gently kisses underneath each teary eye. “Go to sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

She does.

-

The sun is almost ready to rise when Rose stirs, then turns, still drowsy, as Pearl briefly flails in an attempt to accommodate her. She feels rather more confused than refreshed, for the first few moments, and decides to cope with it by burying her face in the crook of Pearl’s neck.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Pearl admits after a little while, a slight blue tinge spreading over her cheeks as she watches Rose slowly blink the last remnants of dreamy disorientation out of her eyes.

“Oh?”

“You’re… well, you’re always breathtaking, of course,” Pearl states rather remarkably matter-of-factly, “but you looked so wonderfully peaceful just now.”

“You utter _charmer,_ ” Rose giggles, and Pearl smiles in return, then snuggles closer and presses a small kiss to the rise of bare shoulder before her.

“I just wish I could see you like that all the time. I wish I could wrap myself around you, and keep you safe, like you always do for me.”

Rose feels struck speechless by the quiet, unusually simple confession. “Oh, Pearl,” she manages to murmur as she runs a gentle hand through Pearl’s hair, smoothing out ruffled patches and relishing the small titter she receives in response. “I’m sorry for running off earlier. I just forget, sometimes.”

“Forget?”

“That the most comforting place I could possibly go to is wherever _you_ are.”

It’s Pearl’s turn to be dumbfounded. The eastern sky turns quite warm and light by the time she manages a quiet “I’ll always be here.”

Which _here_ she means, exactly, Rose chooses not to ask. Some other time, maybe. The stillness of the moment feels too precious to disturb.

Pearl similarly gives up on words and takes Rose’s hands in her own small yet spindly ones. She worries their fingers into a tangle and Rose thinks, perhaps, she can see the last of the green dust, with all its accusatory glitter, finally fall away.


End file.
